A Self Relization!!!!!

Well first of all before I start...

HAPPY NEW YEAR FELLOW READERS!!! ◕‿◕

^This photo was actually taken of me on January 1, 2013!!!!^

I know that I am a day late to actually posting this but let's just pretend that for the moment it is not January 2nd and it is instead January 1st. And yes, I am back!!! It's been a while since I lasted updated this blog and I mean a LOT has happened these past few months and I honestly do not know where to start. But first I will begin with why I was gone for so long. 

So!!! This is going to be a long story *grabs soft blanket and fluffy pillow*. Basically I was gone for so long was because I was really depressed. And it took me until just a few weeks ago to realize it. But lets rewind to the beginning of September so I can explain ma self. I officially became a ~college girl~*. Ya know I never realized that I could possibly have a life after high school ended. In my mind everything was going to stay the same once I entered college but I was dead wrong. Things changed drastically and after a couple of months of attending college, I came to the realization that I was not happy at all. I had a job I hated, most of my friends had all went away for college (and I suck at making new friends), an extremely busy boyfriend (who I barely got to see), and I wasn't caring that much about attending my classes (aka I became slacker Somer lol). Everyday I would commute home and while sitting in the busy 5 o'clock traffic, I would think to myself about how miserable I was. If you read back on some of my previous posts, I had so much fun during the summer. It was probably the funnest summer of MY LIFE!!!! and so I went from super fun, social vacation to a depressing, antisocial school year. Things became so bad that I could spend the 5 hours each day that I was at school just flat out not talking to a single person. I was pretty much a mute. And I hated every single thing about it. I never realized how hard it was to just make new friends, or let alone just introduce myself. 

I wish this was one of those stories where I say that things really got better as this past semester progressed... but to be honest in some ways it sorta did but it mostly didn't (lol I know I'm really not making sense here). Anyways towards the end of the semester I did end up making one friend at my college, which I am really proud of myself about!!! When I told my mom I made a friend she was like "awwwwwwh you made a friend? Awww so proud of you" and I could see the tears in her eyes (◕ヮ◕) hahahaha. 

I ended the semester with okayish grades. During finals week, I was sadly going through a very stressful break up. Instead of focusing on the break up, I decided to pour myself into my school work. There was always a test to study for, a presentation to give, and homework to complete. When people were sound asleep, I was finishing an essay and getting started to write another one. But once finals were over and I had 100% completed all my classes... I had nothing left to do but think and be depressed about the break up and think about how bad things have gotten. We broke up because things were just inevitably not working out and they hadn't been for months prior. Breaking up was probably one of thee hardest things (lol) I have ever done. As of now it has been a little over a month since everything happened. He is no longer in my life and I think that's what made me the saddest. To know that he just wanted to shut me out for good and not even still be there as a friend. Somedays I do get super sad and I just sit at home and miss the old person that he used to be to me. I've been playing a lot of video games and watching sci-fi, psychological thrillers. I figured if I can shoot zombies brains out, or watch a serial killer skin his victims, or just pretty much lay there and not think... then I will eventually be okay.

 "Like congratulations to the whole world on not  killing yourselves." Lol this video was so relevant  to how I felt and I laughed so much about it. I think  I've watched it about 200 billion times these past    few weeks. Go check out mytoecold's other videos  too. They're hilarious and will make you laugh for  hours~~~

Anyways here's to 2014! Here is to the new me and a fresh new start. I was actually contemplating on whether I was going to post this on my private blog or my public blog. But I guess you guys got lucky. Today I did have a self realization as I was reading one of my favorite bloggers past posts (Link of her relevant blog post!!!) Basically if you do not read it, she had a life scare stroke thingy after having a really bad break up with her long term boyfriend (like me!!!) and afterwards realized that life is short and that she should go out and do whatever she wants and take chances and date whoever she wants and let her heart move on yadda yadda. And it was so relevant to my situation that it made me realize that I need to be more positive and I just need to keep pushing forward. I deserve to have more of those SIGH~I am so happy moments. And it took me now to realize that the only person standing in the way of that happening is myself. I have found an interest in like-liking someone else, but lately I have been questioning myself deeply on whether I even want to date ever again for the rest of my life lol. It's weird going to back to that whole awkward stage where you crush on someone hehehehe.  I'm not saying I'm gonna go wild and make another boy my boyfriend right now (lol which really is not going wild but) krizko's blog post made me start thinking a lot. Even though I was mentally, physically, and emotionally hurt, maybe there is still a chance for me to move on sooner and actually just take a chance. I am glad to say that I am in a much better place than where I was a few weeks ago. Each day I get stronger and things get easier and I am learning how to deal with my new life as a ~college girl~*. I have many goals for my next semester in 2014 and I am so excited to do my best to succeed them!!! Well that is all I have for now (sorry this post was so long, I know most of you are probably not even going to read all of it lol).

Anyways,

Goodbye lovely readers! Until next time! ☆彡 <3